"Do you miss Australia?"

"Do you miss Australia?", I was asked at lunch yesterday.

For a second, I couldn't answer. My lips moved, I wanted to say "Yes", but I firmly answered - "No".

I wanted to say 'Yes' because some of my dearest and closest friends are Australians or other nationalities living in Australia. With these friends, I've worked late nights, stumbled home drunk, laughed and danced our hearts out, shared dinner after a long day's work; They've covered me at work when I'm home sick, they've checked on me when I appeared stressed out, they've opened their homes to me, they show their care and support in countless ways that I cannot possibly do justice to in this blog. How can I not miss them??

In Australia, I've always had a park(s) within 5 minutes walk from where I live. I always had multiple options with public transport, which came frequently and was relatively punctual. The wet markets were easier to shop in; Fruits & veg were relatively cheap, fresh, much nicer looking, tasted better and there was more assurance you weren't poisoning yourself with unknown chemicals! Even when I don't cook, I could easily find nutritious food at a reasonable price. I had 5 library cards and at least 3 libraries that I frequented regularly and conveniently. I made friends with owners and people serving me in my local cafe / market / pub. When I got sick, I could go to the doctor and not have to pay (Well, it comes from taxpayers via Medicare). When I got very sick, they could schedule me for a biopsy within a week, all-expense-paid by the government (which is funded via our taxes), and this was in a hospital that was cheerful, competent and comfortable compared to Malaysian public hospitals!

There are migrants or students who move overseas and struggle to fit in or feel at home. But I made friends and conversed easily. I quickly learnt the norms of other cultures, and when I didn't, we would happily laugh or make fun of our differences in good humour. There are a few who were more obnoxious than others, but for most parts, I treated everyone of different nationalities as equals and felt myself as an equal to them. We respected each other and were at ease with each other despite whatever differences we may have from growing up in different cultures and environments.

I was in Australia for 10 years, and no doubt I'll always think of them as amongst the best times of my life.

But do I miss Australia? Firmly, No.

I thought I would still be missing Australia. I thought the correct answer would be 'Yes', that's why I automatically wanted to answer 'Yes'. But when I searched for the answer, it came out "No".

I surprised myself. As I drove away from lunch shortly after, I couldn't help wondering - "No?? Why did you say you don't miss Australia? Don't you?". I explored my feelings, and realised that indeed I was happy to be at home. I didn't miss Australia. I found this curious..

I don't think I'll ever be certain, but I think it comes down to this:

1. I feel more at home with the way I dress here. I think you get used to the way people look & act in your developing years as a child, and eventhough you may not be actively conscious of it, there is a sense of comfort being amongst people who have shared and now express that same "development" in the way they act & carry themselves.

2. I've also noticed subtle (or obvious once you start noticing) differences in the tone & style of communication. The way I talk to my friends at a pub/restaurant in Malaysia is very much different from in Australia. The way we make comments or state disagreements differ. I never noticed it when I was in Australia. My Australian friends probably thought it was just my personality, and I probably thought so too, but now I think its part personality, part being/growing-up Malaysian.

When you put everything together..... I think there is something about being Malaysian that is difficult to describe or define, but it affects everything about you, whether you like it or not. The environment, food, culture, society, everything that surrounded you as a child/teenager makes you you.

And so, eventhough I thrived in Australia and certainly thought I felt at home; eventhough I prided myself in being able to easily find my way in new environments and ease in with people of different cultures; eventhough I've been described as a "true global citizen" on a number of occasions because of my adaptability and liberal mind; I now realise that only Malaysia is home.

Malaysia is home because growing up in Malaysia makes me Malaysian, and being in Malaysia amongst Malaysians makes me feel at home, at ease, OK.